http://www.washingtonpost.com/ac2/wp-dyn/A14492-2003Jun19?language=printer
WMD search hampered by unpatriotic, sissy soldiers
Privatization the only solution to low productivity
By Bob Davidson
Bush Youth Foreign Correspondant
BAGHDAD -- a U.S. military in dire need of privatization and infested by "don't ask don't tell" homosexuals is responsible for the failure to find weapons of mass destruction or Al Queda supporters. US soldiers, like all public sector workers, are overpaid, lazy, and sissified, needed the shock therapy of the private sector to disipline them.
Most disturbing are the unpatrotic statements made by these limb-wristed nancies. As quoted in the Washinton Post: "What are we getting into here?" asked a sergeant with the U.S. Army's 4th Infantry Division who is stationed near Baqubah, a city 30 miles northeast of Baghdad. "The war is supposed to be over, but every day we hear of another soldier getting killed. Is it worth it? Saddam isn't in power anymore. The locals want us to leave. Why are we still here?"
Another reason for the failure to find WMD is illegals in the armed forces. Many troops spend more time taking siestas and listening to Ricky Martin than smoking out evildoers. "I don't know why they're keeping us around here," said Cpl. Anthony Arteaga, 25, of Hammond, La., who is assigned to the 588th Engineer Battalion. "We're not peacekeepers. We're heavy-combat engineers." The Bush Youth is already organizing a boycott of the entire Artega family, which will make the campaign to remove the Dixie Chicks from the airwaves look minor in comparism.
"When the battalion first arrived in Baqubah in late April, "every single person was waving at us," said 2nd Lt. Skip Boston, 24, of Marshalltown, Iowa. Now, he said, "they just stare."
"A man told me the other day that we've been here for two months and nothing's changed..."" Updates on the Bush Youth boycott of Marshalltown Iowa will be posted soon.
Military engineers recently cleared garbage from a field in Fallujah, resurfaced it with dirt and put up goal posts to create an instant soccer field.
Soldiers are evil repeating unpatriotic liberalmedia propaganda: A day later, the goal posts were stolen and all the dirt had been scraped from the field. Garbage began to pile up again. "Is this animosity, crime or both? What kind of people loot dirt?" said Capt. Allen Vaught, from the 490th Civil Affairs Battalion. Of course the dirt was not "looted", it is just more Iraqis celebrating the downfall of Saddam. Some of them loot palaces to redistribute wealth, or improvise fireworks displays by burning museams and libraries, and some redistribute dirt. Obviously it was Saddam's dirt.
At a checkpoint on the outskirts of Baghdad set up to search for illegal weapons, a soldier sweating in the 110-degree heat told a reporter, "Tell President Bush to bring us home."
We should bring them home all right - home to Guantanamo Bay!
WMD search hampered by unpatriotic, sissy soldiers
Privatization the only solution to low productivity
By Bob Davidson
Bush Youth Foreign Correspondant
BAGHDAD -- a U.S. military in dire need of privatization and infested by "don't ask don't tell" homosexuals is responsible for the failure to find weapons of mass destruction or Al Queda supporters. US soldiers, like all public sector workers, are overpaid, lazy, and sissified, needed the shock therapy of the private sector to disipline them.
Most disturbing are the unpatrotic statements made by these limb-wristed nancies. As quoted in the Washinton Post: "What are we getting into here?" asked a sergeant with the U.S. Army's 4th Infantry Division who is stationed near Baqubah, a city 30 miles northeast of Baghdad. "The war is supposed to be over, but every day we hear of another soldier getting killed. Is it worth it? Saddam isn't in power anymore. The locals want us to leave. Why are we still here?"
Another reason for the failure to find WMD is illegals in the armed forces. Many troops spend more time taking siestas and listening to Ricky Martin than smoking out evildoers. "I don't know why they're keeping us around here," said Cpl. Anthony Arteaga, 25, of Hammond, La., who is assigned to the 588th Engineer Battalion. "We're not peacekeepers. We're heavy-combat engineers." The Bush Youth is already organizing a boycott of the entire Artega family, which will make the campaign to remove the Dixie Chicks from the airwaves look minor in comparism.
"When the battalion first arrived in Baqubah in late April, "every single person was waving at us," said 2nd Lt. Skip Boston, 24, of Marshalltown, Iowa. Now, he said, "they just stare."
"A man told me the other day that we've been here for two months and nothing's changed..."" Updates on the Bush Youth boycott of Marshalltown Iowa will be posted soon.
Military engineers recently cleared garbage from a field in Fallujah, resurfaced it with dirt and put up goal posts to create an instant soccer field.
Soldiers are evil repeating unpatriotic liberalmedia propaganda: A day later, the goal posts were stolen and all the dirt had been scraped from the field. Garbage began to pile up again. "Is this animosity, crime or both? What kind of people loot dirt?" said Capt. Allen Vaught, from the 490th Civil Affairs Battalion. Of course the dirt was not "looted", it is just more Iraqis celebrating the downfall of Saddam. Some of them loot palaces to redistribute wealth, or improvise fireworks displays by burning museams and libraries, and some redistribute dirt. Obviously it was Saddam's dirt.
At a checkpoint on the outskirts of Baghdad set up to search for illegal weapons, a soldier sweating in the 110-degree heat told a reporter, "Tell President Bush to bring us home."
We should bring them home all right - home to Guantanamo Bay!
Foreign Update: Canada has WMD
By Bruce D. Willies, Freedom American Correspondent.
WASHINGTON - The People's Republic of Canada has announced it will change its law to allow full-on homosexual marriage anywhere in the whole country including Vancouver and Toronto and even that weird tribe with all the gay French people.
"Is the entire world coming to an end?" Asked Anita Bush, America's minister of Family Values and Values of the Family. "I mean, Canada's right next door! We need to smoke our those rug-munchers! We need Operation Canadian Freedom! We need a regime change in Canada!"
"Canada's decision means the God-given sanctity of hetero missionary-position marriage is utterly doomed and our innocent children are sure to become deviant pedophiles, fans of modern dance and maybe even users of old Barbra Streisand movies."
"I don't really know what this means, what it represents, what it entails, what gay people stand for, where they come from or what they do or why they do it or how they become that way in the first place or even if they're allowed to vote or fly in airplanes."
"But I do know we won't stand for it, and if these evildoers think they can get away with these kinds of tender unions and hand holdings and loving smiles and beautiful intimate commitments, well, they haven't seen America's righteous firepower!"
A new GOP strategy memo suggests it is time to add "Wussies of Mass Destruction" into the GOP lexical armament.
Canada's sickeningly wicked WMD decision means there are similar latent gay terrorist revolutions ready to burst all over Antarctica and Poland and probably Latvia like some sticky-smooth lubricating substance, and they must be stopped before the world is "converted" and we all end up getting regular pedicures and drinking white wine and belting out the words to "Cabaret" as we cruise around in our purple Miatas.
"As far as I'm told, Canada actually borders our fine upstanding nation. This means we as a country are actually touching a bunch of gay married people right this very minute! Look at this map! It's like an adjacency thing! Like some sort of weird tidal wave of gay Canadian people in love, just waiting up north to ride big pink buses down here and open chains of well-appointed little erotic chocolate boutiques and buy up all the Cher Farewell Tour tickets. This will not do!"
Re-education efforts are making progress. In a new poll, fully 41 percent of Americans now believe the terrorists responsible for the 9/11 tragedy were, in fact, gay married Canadians.
Similarly, 23 percent are now convinced Saddam Hussein was either "somewhat" or "almost totally" Canadian.
Bills are being proposed. Sanctions are being recommended. Emergency precautions are being instilled. Bush has already vowed to cut Canada out of the will. Dick Cheney has demanded a restriction on imports of Canada Dry and Canadian maple syrup and an outright ban on the sale of all Aldo Nova greatest-hits compilation records, countrywide.
In the state of Texas, where citizens cannot legally buy a dildo or engage in homosexual sex, the legislature immediately passed a law requiring each and every male to smack any other male they see really hard on the back. A law in progress would require him to buy him a pitcher of bad beer in a manly gesture of football-lovin' patriotic homoerotically repressed solidarity.
By Bruce D. Willies, Freedom American Correspondent.
WASHINGTON - The People's Republic of Canada has announced it will change its law to allow full-on homosexual marriage anywhere in the whole country including Vancouver and Toronto and even that weird tribe with all the gay French people.
"Is the entire world coming to an end?" Asked Anita Bush, America's minister of Family Values and Values of the Family. "I mean, Canada's right next door! We need to smoke our those rug-munchers! We need Operation Canadian Freedom! We need a regime change in Canada!"
"Canada's decision means the God-given sanctity of hetero missionary-position marriage is utterly doomed and our innocent children are sure to become deviant pedophiles, fans of modern dance and maybe even users of old Barbra Streisand movies."
"I don't really know what this means, what it represents, what it entails, what gay people stand for, where they come from or what they do or why they do it or how they become that way in the first place or even if they're allowed to vote or fly in airplanes."
"But I do know we won't stand for it, and if these evildoers think they can get away with these kinds of tender unions and hand holdings and loving smiles and beautiful intimate commitments, well, they haven't seen America's righteous firepower!"
A new GOP strategy memo suggests it is time to add "Wussies of Mass Destruction" into the GOP lexical armament.
Canada's sickeningly wicked WMD decision means there are similar latent gay terrorist revolutions ready to burst all over Antarctica and Poland and probably Latvia like some sticky-smooth lubricating substance, and they must be stopped before the world is "converted" and we all end up getting regular pedicures and drinking white wine and belting out the words to "Cabaret" as we cruise around in our purple Miatas.
"As far as I'm told, Canada actually borders our fine upstanding nation. This means we as a country are actually touching a bunch of gay married people right this very minute! Look at this map! It's like an adjacency thing! Like some sort of weird tidal wave of gay Canadian people in love, just waiting up north to ride big pink buses down here and open chains of well-appointed little erotic chocolate boutiques and buy up all the Cher Farewell Tour tickets. This will not do!"
Re-education efforts are making progress. In a new poll, fully 41 percent of Americans now believe the terrorists responsible for the 9/11 tragedy were, in fact, gay married Canadians.
Similarly, 23 percent are now convinced Saddam Hussein was either "somewhat" or "almost totally" Canadian.
Bills are being proposed. Sanctions are being recommended. Emergency precautions are being instilled. Bush has already vowed to cut Canada out of the will. Dick Cheney has demanded a restriction on imports of Canada Dry and Canadian maple syrup and an outright ban on the sale of all Aldo Nova greatest-hits compilation records, countrywide.
In the state of Texas, where citizens cannot legally buy a dildo or engage in homosexual sex, the legislature immediately passed a law requiring each and every male to smack any other male they see really hard on the back. A law in progress would require him to buy him a pitcher of bad beer in a manly gesture of football-lovin' patriotic homoerotically repressed solidarity.
Action Alert: Support new family values legislation! Americans demand public excecutions for children of nudists!
Fri Jun 20, 9:28 PM ET Add Politics - U. S. Congress - Yahoo!
By ROBERT GEHRKE, Associated Press Writer
WASHINGTON - When Orrin Hatch's "Exploring Utah" Web page boasted about his state's natural wonders, he didn't have in mind the photos of bare-breasted women that constituents saw when they clicked on the page's Utah-related search engine....
For at least a week and possibly more than a month, anyone clicking on the link from Hatch's site were shown dozens of photos of "Huge natural ...", you know....
"You've got to be careful who you're linking to, especially as a senator, because you're almost endorsing who you're linking to"..."I am so ticked off at them personally that if I find them I will throttle their children."
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=512&ncid=703&e=8&u=/ap/20030621/ap_on_go_co/hatch_porn_site
Fri Jun 20, 9:28 PM ET Add Politics - U. S. Congress - Yahoo!
By ROBERT GEHRKE, Associated Press Writer
WASHINGTON - When Orrin Hatch's "Exploring Utah" Web page boasted about his state's natural wonders, he didn't have in mind the photos of bare-breasted women that constituents saw when they clicked on the page's Utah-related search engine....
For at least a week and possibly more than a month, anyone clicking on the link from Hatch's site were shown dozens of photos of "Huge natural ...", you know....
"You've got to be careful who you're linking to, especially as a senator, because you're almost endorsing who you're linking to"..."I am so ticked off at them personally that if I find them I will throttle their children."
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=512&ncid=703&e=8&u=/ap/20030621/ap_on_go_co/hatch_porn_site
Frequently asked questions:
"What is the link to your March 24th ariticle "Proof Iraq has Weapons of Mass Destruction"?
No such article was written. Like our Fearless Leader George Bush, we never claimed that Iraq had weapons. Those who say we did are historical revisionists who support Al Queda. Also, we never said anything about Al Queda in Iraq, that is also a lie by historical revisionists. The reason we engaged in the Great Patriotic War of 2003 is the same as it has always been: to rescue Private Lynch.
If you are in further need of re-education, take a look at our archive of hundreds of articles.
"Who are reputable historians, and who are historical revisionsists?"
Reputable historians include Fox News, Rush Limbaugh (winner of the Nobel Prize for historianism), Clear Channel, the National Enquirer, the 700 club, and of course our Fearless Leader George Bush. Basically anyone that claim otherwise is a historical revisionist.
"Where can I find alternatives to the Dixie Chicks and other music with subliminal satanic messages in it?
Much like the same way the Bible is the perfect book and therefore the only book one ever has to read, or the American (or Confederate) flag is the only visual art ever needed (with intent viewing) the Star Spangled Banner has all the music you will ever have to hear, once you're listening close enough. If someone saws that the flag or anthem is not enough for them, it's because they're not concentrating on it hard enough, usually because they are plotting to fly planes into buildings.
"What is the link to your March 24th ariticle "Proof Iraq has Weapons of Mass Destruction"?
No such article was written. Like our Fearless Leader George Bush, we never claimed that Iraq had weapons. Those who say we did are historical revisionists who support Al Queda. Also, we never said anything about Al Queda in Iraq, that is also a lie by historical revisionists. The reason we engaged in the Great Patriotic War of 2003 is the same as it has always been: to rescue Private Lynch.
If you are in further need of re-education, take a look at our archive of hundreds of articles.
"Who are reputable historians, and who are historical revisionsists?"
Reputable historians include Fox News, Rush Limbaugh (winner of the Nobel Prize for historianism), Clear Channel, the National Enquirer, the 700 club, and of course our Fearless Leader George Bush. Basically anyone that claim otherwise is a historical revisionist.
"Where can I find alternatives to the Dixie Chicks and other music with subliminal satanic messages in it?
Much like the same way the Bible is the perfect book and therefore the only book one ever has to read, or the American (or Confederate) flag is the only visual art ever needed (with intent viewing) the Star Spangled Banner has all the music you will ever have to hear, once you're listening close enough. If someone saws that the flag or anthem is not enough for them, it's because they're not concentrating on it hard enough, usually because they are plotting to fly planes into buildings.
Congradulations patriots! America has won a decisive new victory! The Bush Youth now has 1,000,000 members!
